Chapter 2 My husband just stood there with his mouth hanging open, looking at me like "What the hell do I do?" I took a breath and decided to cut the bullshit: "So Mom, Emma threw your ass out, huh?" Mom didn't even catch my tone. She just nodded. "Damn right she did. That ungrateful little bitch. Making me leave in the middle of the night-how humiliating is that? Thank God I've still got you." She looked toward the kitchen, already thinking about food.

"Don't you keep those frozen burritos in the freezer for breakfast? I'm starving. Just heat up a couple for me." I didn't budge. "We've got like five left. That's our breakfast tomorrow. What are we supposed to eat if you scarf them all down?" "Plus it's almost one in the morning. Eat now and you'll be up all night with heartburn." She made this little tsk sound like I'd grown two heads. Finally she said, "Whatever." "Go make up the bed.

I'll sleep with Zoe, and you can bunk with Mark." I shut that down fast: "No way. Zoe can't sleep with anyone but me. She'll be up all night." "You can take the couch. It's wide and cushy-super comfy." Then I grabbed this ratty old blanket I'd been meaning to trash and tossed it on the sofa. Mark stood there looking shocked. When he opened his mouth, I pushed him toward the guest room. Once we were alone, he whispered, "You're making your mom sleep on the couch?

That's cold." 'Let her have my room-I'll take the couch." I gave him a look that could freeze hell. "I can't get into it right now. Just sleep in here and stay out of it." He backed down fast, putting his hands on my shoulders. "Okay, okay! Don't bite my head off. Whatever you say, babe." After tucking Mark in, I headed back to the living room. Mom hadn't moved an inch from the couch. The second she spotted me, she started whining: "Rebecca, this couch is way too soft. You know my back is shot.

I can't sleep on this…" I cut her off mid-sentence. "Is that right? Want me to grab you a yoga mat for the floor instead?" Her mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. Finally, she let out this dramatic-ass sigh. "Fine, I'll take the damn couch." 'Kids these days have zero respect. Just wait till Zoe grows up and treats you like garbage. Then you'll see how hard being a mom really is." I couldn't stand another second of her bullshit. I walked straight back to my bedroom.

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